Haseldine Winners International - Articles

CONSTRUCTIVE CARING
By Gary Haseldine

Why is Constructive Caring preferable to Constructive Criticism? Because it results in ...

• Happier people
  
• Superior outcomes all round

I’m sure you’ve seen it happen. Perhaps you’ve even been on the receiving end.

The person getting a serve of Constructive Criticism will probably walk away feeling very uneasy, fragile or worst case very upset or angry. That person may even bite back at the well intentioned giver as old programming hidden deep in the emotional limbic system bubbles to the surface, too powerful to be subdued. In short, bad feelings all round.

Also Constructive Criticism often falls on deaf ears. According to our values and beliefs we receive communication from external sources through a series of filters and barriers. If it is our perception that these observations represent disapproval or disparagement, we shut down and don’t want to hear it.

Quite simply this is because for many of us, criticism is what we copped from an early age during the course of growing up. We were constantly told that we’re not good enough, that we’ll never amount to anything, that we’re no good at this or that and why can’t you be like so and so.

This obviously was someone else’s truth that we took on board as our own. It was more than likely an authority figure like a parent, teacher or older sibling. As we grow and mature into adults, these limiting become part of our psyche and very often hold us back from achieving all that we would wish from life.

Recently Andrew (not his real name) came to see me again. He had grown up in a dysfunctional family. His father was an intimidating bully who loved money and controlled people. Andrew’s older brother took on the same role, before and after the father’s death. And just for good measure Andrew was attracted to and married a woman with similar traits.

As a result of the constant criticism, despite being an intelligent man, his self image was very low and this had manifested in his physical appearance and his personality. When I met him for the first time 9 years ago in my clinic he was overweight, sloppily dressed with a hang dog expression and crooked teeth.

At that time, we addressed many issues regarding his self worth. Under hypnosis he was able to overcome his fears. Andrew came to understand that his critics new no better and he was able forgive them for their past actions.

Over the ensuing years Andrew has achieved goal after goal. He has lost weight and learned a new dress sense. He determined to buy only top quality clothes and booked a course of treatment with the dentist. He has made a study of personal development and, more importantly, has applied it to his life. Today through a physical and mental transformation you’d hardly recognise him from the man who walked into my clinic 9 years ago!

Of course, we are all a Work in Progress. Andrew has now set a goal to find a new partner with whom to share the rest of his journey. I know that person will be a reflection of the new Andrew, just as his previous relationship was a reflection of him at that time.

Best of all, now that his self worth is sky high, criticism no longer affects him. He knows that they are not talking about him. He has learned that when someone points a finger, three fingers are pointing back towards themselves.

Next time someone wants to give you some Constructive Criticism, stop them and suggest if they really want to help that they give you some Constructive Caring instead.

And if you need help with any challenges in your life you can find out more about our services, courses and programs.

Or look for some insights in coming issues of The Winners’ Ways.

For immediate help whether personally or for your business contact Gary at